I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I bet he comes in French.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
