I think my fart just growled at me.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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