You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
