Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
