how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he wants to bone in the snuggie
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
No subtext here. People are naked.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Randomize
