Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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