proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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