therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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