My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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