There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
