Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
