My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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