Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
