Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
