I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
