No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
