I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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