We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize