i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
