Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
