I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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