I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
is it fun? or sober?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
