she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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