Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
