I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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