her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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