bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
