my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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