my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
