ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize