And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
