K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
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