Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
