who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
