Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Vodka?
Forever.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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