There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
