I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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