found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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