I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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