every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
bring money and cleavage
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
