i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
