Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
