Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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