All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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