Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
