Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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