How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
