fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
