i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
They are going to name an STD after you.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
