i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
