I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
