Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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