We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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