The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Randomize
