someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize