haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize