New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
