Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You're like the curious george of whores
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
