Who wears a wallet chain?!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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