unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
