They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
