if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
