White coat. Heels.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
