yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
