someone get that fucking seahorse.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
