Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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