ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
