its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
