just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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