why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
