4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
